Dear National Enquirer,
Want to know what Chef Matt from Season Four of Hell’s Kitchen is doing these days? Seeing 10:20 PM showings of The House Bunny with a storehouse of 5x7” matte prints ready to autograph for his adoring fans or anyone who recognizes him.
“He takes them with him everywhere.” — Chef Matt’s slightly embarrassed lady friend
This makes the time I was waiting in line for the men’s room in front of Bam Margera seem totally inconsequential. Then again, I did intentionally urinate all over the toilet seat with the hope that Bam needed to take a dump and thus, upon the sight of my whiz, would be required to uncomfortably hover over the can as feces excreted from his brown pucker. Since there was no urinal in this restroom, if he did not have to go #2, he would have no choice but to cross the treacherous terrain of pee-pee surrounding the pot and thus track my liquid waste onto the floor mats of his impractical look-at-me blue Lamborghini.
Eat your hearts out, bitches.
2 comments:
Note: Chef Matt fumbled, nervously, while getting ready to sign the pic...dropped his pen on the floor and appeared blushed. I decided to turn the awkwardness into a bit of a business transaction by extending my hand to shake his and introduce myself. I also told him he didn't need to sign an autograph and do that whole thing. I hate celebrity hype, but he said he wanted to. He purposely arrived super early to the movie theatre to do signings--his sole purpose for the evening was to go out and be recognized...the reality show whorifying industry does that to people, I suppose. He's currently unemployed (he was let go the 1st wk hell's kitchen aired), so best wishes to chef matt.
2 guys felching is less GAY than Bam...
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