The Living End (cont'd)

It is now time for a psychological analysis of the situational, environmental, social, and cognitive variables associated with spectator violence. I delved into this topic in my longitudinal study of why winning triggers fan aggression. First, we must consider the role of communication in establishing social norms within the crowd. Joking. This is neither the time nor the place for such tomfoolery. Keep your eye on the gentleman in the following video perched atop the traffic light. The next time I saw him, he was clutching his twisted arm and I swear I saw a tibia protruding from his leg. I apologize for the Cloverfield-esque footage.

Spoiler alert: After a group of amateurs' piss-poor attempt to tip over a Grand Am goes awry, one gentleman attempts to smash the back window with a few bionic elbows until the vehicle's large, angry owner interrupts. And it is quite possible that he earns his keep as a custodian. So watch out.

I hope you enjoyed my foray into investigative journalism. Clouds of smoke are still covering City Hall; however, the black cloud which loomed over the city for a quarter-century officially lifted on Wednesday, both literally and figuratively, when the Phillies resumed the rain-suspended Game 5 en route to the ultimate victory. I might return on Saturday with footage from the championship parade, which will undoubtedly make the recent Dracula parade look like a bunch of softheads with papier-mache bat wings strapped to their back, marching around Rittenhouse Square with yellow flags. Excuse me; I'm going to hug a few more strangers and tell them I love them.

The Living End

Finally. After 25 thick, salty years in which the only titles achieved in Philadelphia have been America's Fattest City, U.S. Murder Capital, and the ArenaBowl championship, Broad Street runs red with Phillies fans.

A quarter century seems minute when compared to the 125 years the Phillies have been playing baseball in Philadelphia (which is the longest of any franchise in American sports). During that stretch, the Phils won just one measley championship prior to last night. This is the prime opportunity for kids from the suburbs to cross the bridge, smash storefront windows, and light things on fire. Personally, I feel that tipping over stationary vehicles and setting them ablaze should be reserved for times like when your heavily-favored football team takes a dump on the field during the NFC Championship game and tries to pass it off as the West Coast Offense. Two years in a row. But I digress. These videos do not justly capture the celebration.

(To be continued.....)